In another blog on 3/28/11, I blogged about empathy and what it can do for you and your emotional intelligence interactions. In this post, I'm going to provide some examples of how I've used it in my life and career as a hiring manager and HR Manager/Director. Why is it that women are typically more attuned to the emotional responses of others? Is it something they learn in play and interaction with friends or when they learn to attune to their children? Maybe they are not trained to be tough and not cry like little boys are trained.
Early in my career, I was a certified as a supervisory interaction trainer which program dealt with handling discipline and corrective action. That program developed by psychologists provided several key principles involving emotional intelligence:
1. When stating a problem or concern, indicate why it concerns you (not someone else or the company). Make the subject feel it affects you personally.
2. Ask for the subject's help in solving the problem.
3. Listen and respond with empathy.
4. Enhance the employee's self esteem (focus on the problem and not the person).
Having trained hundreds of supervisors and managers in these steps; having incorporated them dozens of times in my handling of corrective counseling discussion, I guarantee it works. To help prove this in one organization we videotaped supervisors who handled discipline with and without the training and then had outside assessors evaluate the effectiveness of the exercise and the expected outcome. Utilizing these principles were markedly more effective in the expected outcome.
Another example of empathy is how to handle emotional outbursts or tears in the workplace. The literature indicates women are more subject to tears. If this is demonstrated during a counseling, coaching or performance appraisal session, have a box of kleenex ready and ask the subject if he/she wants you to leave the room while they compose themself. If you perceive it is a ruse to have you suspend the corrective action do not fall for this ploy. If this is due to an emotional event, you might ask the individual if they need to talk to someone. Companies usually have an EAP couselor. Utilize them if it's a long-term concern like a family or personal problem that you shouldn't have to address at the workplace.
If in the exploration of the problem, it becomes clear that the employee cannot come up with solutions to their attendance, work performance or other behavioral concern, ask the employee if they would benefit by talking to an EAP counselor. Don't force them there because they could claim you're making assumptions that they have a disability or could be deemed as someone who is perceived as having a disability. The only time one requires outside intervention with a drug treatment counselor or expert is when evidence indicates they are at work drunk or intoxicated as verified by a drug or alcohol confirmation test. If you suspect this activity (hopefully verified by evidence and maybe another person), have a supervisor drive them to your testing facility and have a family member get their vehicle.
In conclusion, the best way to handle performance concerns is via empathy and other emotional intelligence steps. While this is effective on the job, it is also effective in other counseling or behavioral interventions we have as a friend, spouse, parent, teacher, coach etc. While we cannot all be like Ammon reading Lamoni's thoughts, we can read their body language and words and respond with the empathetic response. Be less quick to problem solve until you allow a venting of the emotion and show you've listened. Empathy is listening and understanding, and not excusing or forgiving. Remember as a hiring manager, your role is to coach and encourage and not to excuse and tolerate poor performance
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