How to be an Engaging Leader

Are You an Engaging Leader?

Six ways to gain buy-in and create loyal followers

By Michael Wilkinson, CMF
Managing Director, Leadership Strategies, Inc.
Author, The Secrets of Facilitation andThe Secrets to Masterful Meetings

In all of our facilitation courses we talk about the power of buy-in. When leaders gain their people’s buy-in, the “I have to” turns into “I get to.” And we’ve found that people put far more energy into activities they feel like they “get to” do rather than they feel like they “have to” do. The challenge for leaders is how to consistently get their teams’ to buy-in to the program. How to create willing followers and eager workers out of apathetic groups of employees without making drastic changes like letting people go.
We believe you do this by clearly stating your vision (where you want the organization to go and by when), your strategy (what you want the organization to do to get there), your values (how you want the organization to operate) and roles (who is responsible for what in making the vision happen). And by understanding the first and fundamental secret of leadership through facilitation, “if they create it they understand it, they accept it, and they own it.

The Fundamental Secret of Facilitation

If they create it, they understand it, they accept it, and they own it.

What makes it powerful? If “power” is somewhat synonymous with “getting results,” then this secret is extremely powerful. The secret can increase your ability to achieve results, simply because the secret is linked to effectiveness and human motivation.
Gaining Buy-in Dr. Robert Zawacki from the University of Colorado in his book “Transforming the Mature Information Technology Organization” put the secret this way:

ED = RD x CD

That is, Effective Decisions = The Right Decision times Commitment to the Decision. Dr. Zawacki’s point is that the multiplication sign in the formula means that even the best decision can be rendered completely ineffective if commitment to the decision is lacking. A group of consultants might have created the 100% solution for a client, but if the client doesn’t buy-in to the solution, the effectiveness of the solution would be essentially zero. Likewise, if leaders create solutions that their people don’t buy-in to, once more, the effectiveness is zero.
So how do you gain buy-in? We have found that engaging leaders do a few things very well to gain buy-in around solving problems.

1. Clarity. Leaders that command the greatest level of buy-in have great clarity around purpose and product: why are we doing this, what must we have when we are done? They cover every base and make sure there are no tasks performed that do not tie directly back to purpose and product.
2. Passion. Engaging leaders are able to communicate why the vision important to them and why it should be important to everyone else. With their high energy, they inspire their staff with their own enthusiasm and get people excited about solving the problem.
3. Empowerment. They explain what they need from each person; whether they are looking for a decision, a recommendation, or simply ideas. They help people feel good about the role they play and illustrate, for each team member, the positive effects that realizing the vision will have on them.
4. Bridge-Building. Engaging leaders listen and listen well. When others see conflict and differences, engaging leaders see similarities. They understand that disagreements occur because the people involved lack shared information, have different values or experiences, or are affected by outside factors. Like facilitators, these leaders are able to use effective strategies for building consensus.
5. Praise and Feedback. Engaging leaders make it a point to praise the work done, the effort made, and results achieved. And even when the effort does not meet expectations, engaging leaders are able to lift people up while letting them know very specifically what to improve. These leaders praise well, praise often, and praise specifically.
6. Follow-through. Engaging leaders do what they say they are going to do. And when they can’t follow-through, they are proactive in letting their people know they can’t and why.

We believe this approach helps leaders use the fundamental secret of facilitation to gain buy-in and faithful followers. If a team creates it, they understand it, they accept it, and they own it. As you think about the way you undertake other activities in your organization, are you using the fundamental secret of facilitation? Are there other traits you’ve found that engaging leaders have?  Join in the discussion in our LinkedIn group.

Creative Ways to get the Hiring Manager's Attention

Of the 5 suggestions, which is your favorite.  I like the FedEx package.  Sometime you can send a CD with your portfolio.  I've heard people say that just a teaser before the interview without disclosing your name but presenting your branded message is helpful.  They'll be waiting to see who sent the teaser.  These might be most helpful in the leadership positions in a company.  My dream job approach is also a creative suggestion.

In Through the Side Door

If you're not scoring many interviews by applying for jobs and forwarding your resume to HR, try more creative means to get the hiring manager's attention.

June 4, 2010

By Lisa Vaas

Got your eye on a specific job? Don’t want your resume to get lost in the shuffle? There are ingenious methods of getting an employer’s attention through the side door.

Instead of sending your resume and job application through the human-resources department, you might want to catch the employer’s attention by flashier means. Establish yourself as an industry expert that the company simply can’t ignore or live without until they’re the ones asking you for your resume.
If you have a target company in mind (or a few), these techniques might make you stand out from the crowd of resumes waiting to be reviewed by the HR department. To learn some of the successful techniques that have worked for job seekers, TheLadders spoke to career coaches who suggested innovative ways for their clients to stand out and interviewed job seekers who won the attention of hiring managers by unconventional means.
The techniques described below won’t work for everyone, warn those who shared their stories. Every job seeker and job is different. What’s the common denominator? In each case, the professional “showed off skills in an area the person really wanted to be in,” said Susan Berg, Ph.D., author of “Choose on Purpose for Twentysomethings.” Instead of copying exactly the approach of others, she recommended job seekers examine why the technique worked and try to find a technique that does the same in your particular situation. “There are no magic bullets. This is about hard work, knowing what you want, and being willing to take risks and be persistent.”

Chime In: the print version

Debra Benton, an executive coach and president of Benton Management Resources Inc., recalled a client who wanted to work for the governor of Colorado.
“Resumes went nowhere; networking wasn't working either,” she said. “So we developed a series of letters to the editor of the Denver Post about issues my client was an expert in and that was of interest to the governor's office. In the letters, we addressed some projects my client had executed (or) completed. We also included thought-provoking approaches to issues of interest to the governor.
“Long story short, (the governor’s) people called to have him come in and discuss his expertise, which ultimately resulted in him getting offered a job on the governor’s staff.”

Chime in: the online version

Blogging is another way to present yourself to the world, if you’ve got something worth saying. Mitchell York, a career coach with The Five O’Clock Club, had one client — an expert on international marketing strategy and PR and a former journalist for NBC News — who did just that.

“I thought it was a good way [for him] to connect with people he’s interested in and to reconnect with people he’s known,” York said. “That has proven to be the case. He’ll write a post, and he’s incredibly interesting and engaging. ... He’ll send a link to the post to someone in his network who has interest in what he’s writing about, as a way to reconnect with someone and as a way to expose his expertise to new people (as well as) to get people to forward what he’s written. It really shows what he knows about to a wider circle of people. I’ll link to them, retweet them and send them out to my network.”

If you don’t have something worth saying, this approach can backfire, of course. But as York suggested, blogging is a good venue for professionals with a point of view in the area of interest that relates to their job search. “If you have content that’s valuable, it can be a great way to get consulting assignments and freelance work and to just enhance your networking for more meetings with people,” York pointed out. “And meetings are what lead to job interviews, and that leads to jobs.”

Who can resist a FedEx package?

Executive coach Rich Gee directs his clients to bypass recruiters and HR departments by directing their attention to the actual hiring managers.
“They initially reach out to these higher-ups by writing them a short, introductory letter, where they never mention that they are looking for a position,” he said. “I have them FedEx the letter to ensure that they receive it and that they actually read it. They then follow up with a direct call to introduce themselves and ask for a lunch/coffee.” One client did this with a CEO, a CMO and a GVP in the financial sector. When Gee’s client followed up with phone calls, all three were expecting his call and agreed to his lunch invitation. During the conversations that ensued, each one of the executives said the same thing: "You were smart to FedEx the letter. E-mail gets trashed. Mail gets tossed. FedEx gets READ."

Ask for informational interviews

As Chris Perry neared the end of his MBA program last spring, he told us, he was pursuing brand-management opportunities in consumer packaged goods. Unfortunately, he said, while he had marketing experience, he had not previously worked in brand management and quickly discovered how challenging it was to break into the industry.
He started reaching out to brand managers at companies he was targeting via LinkedIn and requested brief informational interviews to discuss their companies and careers. During the calls, he said, “we would both have the opportunity to share our backgrounds, which helped us make an initial connection.”
At the end of each call, Perry would frame the challenge he was having breaking into the industry and ask his subject how she got her foot in the door and what she recommended Perry do to pursue opportunities successfully. By not asking for a job and instead making a connection first, offering a "problem" and the opportunity to help him solve it, Perry had a number of professionals ask for his resume to send around so that their teams could help him out.
“One such request led not only to an invitation to an official interview, but eventually to my current role,” said Perry, who’s working as a career-search and branding expert at CareerRocketeer.

Network like mad

Here are three more networking tips from Abby Kohut, president of CareerWakeUpCalls.com:

1. If your target company is public, buy one share of its stock. That makes you eligible to attend the company’s shareholders’ meeting. Then go and hob-nob with the executives.
2. Volunteer for the charity to which your target company donates time or money. Attend events that the charity hosts, and try to meet the executives.
3. Go to happy hours at the bars near your target company. If the company’s large enough, someone will probably be there from the company. Make friends.

Lisa Vaas covers resume writing techniques and the technology behind the job search for TheLadders.

Taking your LI Connections to Mutual Relationships

I did some slight editing to make this blog more acceptable to all audiences.  If I get other interesting comments, I'll add to this string:

How To Transition Your Linkedin Relationships!

by Paul Castain on August 30, 2010

As many of you know, one of my social networking strategies is to transition at least 5 of my “virtual” relationships to “real” time each week. Needless to say, the relationship is worth more, once I move it off the computer screen.  I thought it might be helpful if I shared with you how I do this.
Let’s start with a quick statement of what I don’t do.

“The Linkedin Two Step”: This is when you’ve either agreed to connect with me or you commented on one of my posts and I take that as a buying signal. You immediately get an email from me in “Pimpmaster” mode giving you my best infomercial.  And just to get this one out in the open, I don’t like to have a virtual handshake with someone and immediately suggest a phone call.

So What’s An Aspiring Linkedin Rock Star To Do?
1)   Get Social From “Hello” I never send someone one of those invitation templates. Seriously, could you get any lazier? Take the 30 seconds and write a two sentence note. This positions you as different from the get go because apparently the rest of the world has gotten lazy too. When someone sends you an invite, take a minute to write an actual response (even when you get a template invite).  Doing this inspires someone to not only remember you, but shoot you a note back. At that point you’re starting to get “social” and that puts you one step closer to real time!

2)   Get On Their Radar Screen: Update your status update daily (no play by play por favor) More importantly than your status update is theirs. You might want to circle this next sentence: Everyone has a story and wants to be heard. Seems like we’ve all gotten used to the world not having the time to hear what we have to say. That aint how Uncle Paul rolls! I make it a point to comment on status updates where appropriate. Sometimes I’m congratulating someone, other times I will agree with a statement publicly, if they shared a resource that I found useful, I let them know with a “like” and a comment.  You can also get on their radar screen by commenting on their discussions. How about inviting them into one of yours? If they contribute to one of your discussions, acknowledge them publicly and with an offline “thank you”. Here’s a  cool idea: When you see a discussion where someone in your network has the expertise to really shine, hook them up! I have this odd feeling that people really dig people who have their best interests in mind!

3)   Take Advantage Of “Social” Clues: I make it a point to see if my contacts use the amazon.com feature where they list what they are reading. If I read the book or want to, that gives us something to talk about. If they use the tripit feature, I might wish them a safe trip or get real jealous that they are off to Europe. I might even compare notes with them about cool places we’ve both been to!
Time Out! Are you spotting a trend yet? I basically get “Social” before I transition to “real time”. Isn’t that more of a natural progression?  OK, I could go on and on about how to get “Social” but I still haven’t told you how to transition.  Once we’ve had some communication, I will do one of a few things:
-      Shoot them a quick email, suggesting a brief “get to know you” call. I tell them I would like to find out more about them and their business. Note: When I get on the phone with them, I rarely talk about my business which is rather counterintuitive  for a sales professional. I don’t talk about my business because quite frankly, most people are so busy trying to network their business that they aren’t ready to hear about mine. I could get ultra competitive and try to dominate our conversation, but it kind of goes back to my statement earlier “everyone has a story and wants to be heard” My mission on this phone call is to not only understand my “friend” its to think about how I can be a “matchmaker” for this person and leverage my network.
-      Get Embarrassed. Sometimes I will send someone an email telling them that I’m embarrassed that I haven’t reached out sooner. Note: Doesn’t work so well if they just accepted your invite 10 mins earlier!
-      When someone asks you a question via email, suggest a quick call instead. Nice way to move it to real time friendship!
-      I’ll search my network for local contacts when traveling. The “I’m visiting your neck of the woods” thing is an easy way to transition.
-      I host “Virtual Mixers” once to twice a month.
So how long should this all take? Well let me ask you this. In a relationship, how long does it take for love to happen?

Don’t mess up the sanctity of social networking by thinking this is a short term strategy. Take the time to get “social” and actually have a courtship and then watch how cool the relationship becomes.

As many of you know, one of my social networking strategies is to transition at least 5 of my “virtual” relationships to “real” time each week. Needless to say, the relationship is worth more, once I move it off the computer screen. I thought it might be helpful if I shared with you how I do this.

PaulStop Following Follow Paul

Paul Ford • Great post. The personal touch is what leads to great networking and strong sales leads. With instant communication at a computer, there is risk of degradation of the human contact and interaction that we all need. Your strategy brings back that personal feel.

Jerry McLaughlin • Thanks Paul this was helpful. I find it challenging in addition to developing new relationships but maintaining current relationships as the number of people in your network continue to grow. How do you keep it social with someone that you haven't done business with in that 7th year?

21 hours ago

Neldon Demke SPHR, IPMA-CP • I'm reading and blogging on Emotional Intelligence and networking and provide LI training. It is so crucial to develop and build key relationships with those you truly want to partner with. This is a two-way relationship that needs nourishing. I feel you can only be a close networker to about 15 people and the others you're a connector to, you help them with introductions and offer assistance. Last month I was asked to reach out to a connection in VietNam for translation assistance. You never know who you need to get back with. I'm new to this group and apologize for not connecting earlier, but this is my 50th group and I was waiting for that special group that rings to me. Thanks for the post and comments. I agree you must make your connections and messages about getting back warmer: look at their profile, peruse their blogs and website, look at their activities, recommendations and interests and comment on these. Everyone wants to feel you have made a warmer connection. I like the part now to take these to the next level and reach out to call and set up a networking meeting. Jibber/Jobber helps you keep all these connections closer to you.

PaulStop Following Follow Paul

Like anything else, I prioritize my contacts but still do my best to stay visible to to all of them.

Thanks again everyone . . . I really appreciate the contributions to this thread!

Respectfully,
Paul Castain

Another post to this thread:

I believe the question about how we transition “virtual” relationships to “real” relationships is highly important as the world engages in this grand experiment of social media and virtual relationships. I can think of a half dozen of my circle of friends, all of whom are in midlife, who found “soul-mates” and/or marriage partners via virtual dating. It occurs to me that intentionally plays a role in how we make the transition from virtual to real relationships. I do not claim to be an expert on social media. I do not tweet and my face is only periodically on face book.
I wonder what the impact is and will be from our addiction to social media. Christine Caldwell says that addiction is not just the attachment to drugs, alcohol, or sex but a simply a human tendency to move away from our authentic selves, our bodies, and our immediate experiences. We tend to attempt to try to get away from sensations, feelings, and emotions we find uncomfortable and/or threatening. I believe in today’s world most of us feel separated from each other and from our authentic selves, we experience loneliness, we experience fear and a wide range of emotions that we do not know what do with. Virtual relationships often give us the illusion of being in relationship and divert our attention outward. I find myself checking my e-mail far more frequently than is functionally effective, simply to see who might have replied back or if someone I just thought about happened to be on the same wave link and sent me an e-mail. I clearly see how people can become preoccupied about texting, tweeting, and face book. Given that we live in a world where extraverts are more highly regarded than introverts, real-time electronic communications and “virtual” relationships have leveled the playing field to a large extent.

To go back to the question about transitioning to real relationships, I wonder to what extent people are deliberately making efforts to transition these virtual relationships. I appreciate the open sharing about what is working.
Thank you for creating the space for this conversation by your question.
Posted by Dr. Tom Boldrey

Motivational Programs do not work without Engagement

While many of the blogs on emotional intelligence dealt with teaching youngsters how to be more effective in their later years due to self constraint, learning how to empathize, learning how to deal with social situations effectively, reading social cues and engaging others in conversation, it is more difficult to do this with older people when their brains, habits or paradigms have been shaped by many years of emotionally unhealthy experiences or habits. One common theme in the 80s and 90s was to use emotional intelligence principles to motivate employees.  You can see from this blog post that motivation and engagement are two different ways to excite employees and get better performance.  How many retreats or special all hands meetings have you attended only to realize that you have to get back to the routine, structured and boring job at the end and you start thinking how many more papers to review, codes to write, or complaints to resolve because you were gone 4-8 hours.  Do you feel your contribution makes a difference?  Do you have control over the process and establishing performance outcomes?  Is the ROI there in these rah, rah celebratory events that make the managers feel like they have to celebrate successes?

Leaders cannot motivate their employees

ANNE DRANITSARIS

Last updated Wednesday, Mar. 09, 2011 10:11AM EST

Employees of fashion house Christian Dior applaud after the Christian Dior Spring/Summer 2012 ready-to-wear collection show on March 4, 2011 in Paris. (FRANCOIS GUILLOT)  Much of what we read about employee motivation suggests it’s the job of leaders and managers, as though employees are incapable of doing so themselves.

The assumption that people are naturally unmotivated has created a large market for books, videos and training workshops for leaders. They end up working harder at trying to keep their people motivated than their employees do. In the long run they end up fostering dependence and a sense of entitlement in those employees, who come to rely on their leaders to tell them what to do and how they should feel about their work.

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What leaders need to do is spend more time trying to understand what they do that demotivates their employees. Motivation is an emotional issue, not a rational one, and you can’t tell an employee to get excited about work if they don’t feel it. It is surprising how many leaders get angry at their employees for this very thing. How employees feel about themselves while engaging in their work is the strongest determinant of the level of motivation they will demonstrate.

Emotions are the energetic force behind motivation, meaningful experiences and interactions at work. They are an essential and undeniable part of everyday organizational life. Demotivation, on the other hand, is an emotional state of overall dissatisfaction, where employees withhold their energy or use it against the leaders and organizations. It can be defined as a reduction in the emotional energy that is directed toward achieving the goals of the business.

A demotivated employee is one who appears apathetic, disinterested or simply exhibits an attitude of entitlement, all contributing to productivity losses at work. Presenteeism, higher absenteeism, complaining, disorganized work spaces, or even just inattentiveness to timelines and performance expectations are some of the symptoms. Lack of motivation is also seen in “acting out” or counterproductive work behaviours such as aggression, hostility, lack of respect for authority or theft.

Frustrated with trying to motivate employees or to figure out what is “wrong” with them, leaders can resort to forcing, shaming or intimidating employees into better performance. Although this approach may give leaders the idea that they are back in control, the result is generally fleeting. Forcing employees or motivating them through fear can help leaders achieve their goals in the short term, but it will ultimately contribute to employee unrest, sabotage, or high turnover with its inherent loss of skills and knowledge.

How employees feel about themselves at work is critical to their capacity to direct their energy toward achieving the goals of the company. When leaders fail to understand this they can inadvertently, unconsciously or unwittingly end up demotivating their employees.

Here are some things that employees often feel because of their leader’s behaviour:
Overwhelmed or overextended: Because leaders are willing to work long and hard to achieve results, they can communicate verbally or nonverbally that they expect employees to do so as well. Employees end up feeling little satisfaction as they can’t work to the best of their ability.

Unappreciated: A lack of appreciation from leaders can make employees feel resentful and used. Being appreciated for insignificant contributions or things that are not of value to the employee causes the same feeling.

Insecure or anxious: Nit-picking and micromanaging employees leads to an anxious work force, afraid to initiate anything without being told. A lack of clarity or definition around tasks and timelines also causes employees to doubt themselves.

Devalued or shamed: Leaders who use indirect communication or sarcasm when employees disagree with their ideas can cause fear and shame. Employees feel devalued when leaders are dismissive of their ideas and input.

Helpless or powerless: Observing unfair practices such as favouritism, the rewarding of poor performance or the fostering of competition among team members is upsetting to most employees as they don’t feel empowered to do anything about it. They will stop caring and feel contempt for their leader.

Feeling untrustworthy: When leaders withhold information or dole it out on a “need-to-know” basis, they inadvertently communicate to employees that they don’t trust them.

Feeling blamed: Leaders who fail to ensure that employees understand what is expected of them can end up treating those workers as though they are not doing their job or are incompetent. They cause them to feel anger and resentment by blaming them.

Although leaders can’t motivate employees, they can create an environment or a culture in which employees feel a desire to contribute and invest their energy. Leaders must be aware of how their behaviour makes people feel and how it impacts the motivation and performance of their employees. The question they need to ask themselves is: “How is my behaviour making my employees feel?” Then they can gradually shift the emotional and energetic climate at work.

Special to The Globe and Mail   Anne Dranitsaris, PhD, is a corporate therapist, author and creator of the Striving Styles Personality System – which helps people, leaders and organizations achieve their potential. She is a published and prolific writer on emotional intelligence, personality type and behaviour in organizations.

Published on Wednesday, Mar. 09, 2011 9:56AM EST

And a comment to this post by Nigel Copsey reads:

"Forget motivational theory. You don't need it." - Peter Drucker.

"You can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink' is a fallacy. All you have to do is make sure it is thirsty first." - (Can't remember who!)

I think too many managers are too busy managing and managing people - telling them what to do and how to do it right - because "that is my job". As a result, it is difficult for their direct reports to be motivated or engaged.

Having experimented with this myself, I find people generally responding positively to being given the latitude and encouragement to think about their job: find easier, better & fun ways of doing it, determine what is in fact necessary and what actually isn't, be given the responsibility to deal with problems/challenges themselves ... etc.

Similarly with aspirations: where do they want to go and how can they build the skills, knowledge, experience etc. to get there?

When we allow people to do what they want to do and determine their own future (within reason and policy), they are in more charge of their working life and feel in control of their own destiny. They are working for themselves.

If we manage them, they are more likely to feel like "another cog in the wheel" and do things almost robotically. This can lead to a loss of self-worth, stress ... and also to poorer performance, and staff attrition.

And another comment by Julie Stewart to this post:

I definitely agree with Tara that engaging their employees can make a huge difference in motivation. When you get people's buy-in their attitude will shift from an "I have to" to an "I get to" attitude. Here's a great article that goes into more detail about how much more succesful engaging leaders can be.

http://www.leadstrat.com/resources-leadership-engaging-leader.html

Your temperament (timidity or melancholy) is not Destiny

About 1 in 5 children are born (hardwired) to overly sensitive amygdala brain functioning which contributes to shyness or timidity.  These symptoms of shyness around strangers and animals, uncertainty about new stimuli, finicky about food and general anxiety can be observed at a very early age.  My grandson screamed when not next to his mother for months, an early symptom of shyness.  Now when you see him 4 years later, you wouldn't recognize him as someone timid or stranger adverse at early childhood.  About 40 percent of children are bold, less sensitive in their amygdala wiring.  The scale between timid and bold and upbeat and melancholy are seen from impulses in two different parts of the brain.  Jerome Kagan, Harvard psychologist studied the timid/bold brain patterns and how these early symptoms (overly sensitized amygdala brain arousal) can be desensitized with exercise and nurturing.  Left alone only about 20% - 33% will grow out of this predisposition to be shy or anxious.

The other brain-related wiring is the melancholy and upbeat spectrum which is regulated by impulses at the brain's right and left frontal lobes.  This was observed by psychologist, Richard Davidson from the University of Wisconsin.  The ability to be depressed or to bounce back quickly after a stressing situation is tied to one's brain functioning. 

Kagan's research suggests the plasticity or wax/like molding of this brain wiring is changeable during early youth, via boldness or other social experiences, by the following examples:

The unsuccessful mother/nurturer felt that she should protect the timid toddler from whatever was upsetting him/her.  The more successful mother felt it more important to help the timid child cope with these upsetting stimuli.  The protective mother deprives youngsters of learning to adapt to these challenge to overcome their fears. 

Another less productive step in hardening this oversensitive amygdala was to be more lenient and indirect in setting limits for toddler doing something that might be harmful.  The better approach was setting firm limits, giving direct commands and blocking the child's actions, insisting on obedience.  Why should firmness reduce fearfullness?  Kagan speculates that there is an important lesson learned when the baby crawls toward an intriguing object (albeit a dangerous one) interrupted by a warning, "get away from that!"  The infant is forced to deal with mild uncertainty.  These repetitious acts of firmness during the first year gives the infant continual rehearsals, in small doses of meeting the unexpected situation in life.  This is the encounter that the shy/fearful infant must master.  Likewise, putting some distance between the upsetting event and picking up and consoling the child helps them gradually learn to manage such moments on their own.  So to break the tearfulness and shyness, give small opportunities to be told "No" to dangerous stimuli and do not be too quick to comfort when upset.  The overly protecting/caring mother trying to protect the child from frustration and anxiety might exacerbate the child's ability to overcome shyness or timidity.

As the child matures, giving them opportunities to be more outgoing can change this timidity hardwiring.  Giving them higher levels of social competence, being cooperative and getting along with other children, teaching empathy, teaching giving and sharing skills, and being able to develop close relationships are all important.  Those still timid at 4 can shake off this timidity by teen age years by proper coaching and social skill building.   As behavioral geneticists observe, genes alone don't determine behavior, our environment and experiences shape our temperament.  Our emotional capacities are not a given.  With the right kinds of experiences and learning, our capacities can improve and help our human brain mature. 
 
In summary, childhood and teenage learning will help mold the brain circuitry.  The child/youth has to learn via correct guidance how to handle distress and control impulse and to practice empathy and reading social cues.  On the flip side, neglect, abuse, misattunement of a self-absorbed parent or indifferent parent or brutal discipline can leave their imprint on the emotional circuitry. 

Empathy and other emotional intelligence concerns

The most important emotional intelligence skill is the ability to empathize with others.  People who are adept at this skill can generally tell a person's emotional state or feelings by their body language (facial or other cues) without even having to listen to the words.  These skills are honed at infancy when mothers or caregivers respond to the sounds and reactions of their babies/infants.  It's not just mimicking their actions but responding to them in understanding.  When the child is happy/sad, the Mother responds in kind to the child to indicate recognition and reinforcement of the emotion.  As this communication evolves, it is called attunement which is the foundation of caring for others and the ability to form and build relationships.  Misattunement and the absence of empathy and emotion yeilds severe misbahaviors for the person and society.

Synchrony occurs when the person's moods, emotions and body language are picked up by others.  The more dominant emotion seems to rub off on others.  We become more depressed when surrounded by depressed people.  On the flip side, when someone plays to our emotions for good, we feel better about ourselves and that person. The mark of a powerful leader is one who can use language (verbal or non verbal) and stories to get their followers excited about a cause or plan of action.  People who are poor at sending and receiving emotions are less successful in their life's activities.  Interpersonal intelligence can be categorized into 4 areas:

1.  Organizing groups:  coordinating efforts of a network of people - what leaders do
2.  Negotiating solutions:  this includes problem solving, conflict resolution, mediation/arbitration or peace makers
3.  Personal connections: The ability to empathize and make positive connections responding to people's feelings and concerns.  This is critical for team players, team building, and relationship building
4.  Social analysis: ability to detect insights about others' feelings, motives and concerns which is important for counseling or writing novels or screenplays.

Taken together, these skills are the necessary ingredients for charm, solcial success, even charisma.  Those adept in social intelligence can connect with people quite smoothly and are astute in reading their reactions and feelings, lead and organize and handle disputes effectively.  These are the type of peoplle others like to be with because they are emotionally nourishing, they make others feel good, and a pleasure to know.

Managing/Engaging with the Heart

During the past 30 years leading companies have demanded their leaders to manage with their hearts.  Before that time many leaders in industry felt empathy and compassion would not only be a sign of weakness but also would make it difficult to make those tough employment decisions impacting their workforce.  In the past 30 years the corporation has gone through a radical transformation due mainly to globablization and the advent of the internet/Information Technology.  With the advent of social media, it's even more critical that managers manage with with heart. 

More and more studies and evidence point out that making decisions under stress makes people stupid.  So we learn that being attuned to the feelings of those we deal with, handling disagreements effectively so they don't escalate, getting into the flow state while at work are critical for today's leader.  Leadership is persuasion and not domination.  Handling grievances effectively, embracing diversity and professional networking are also important in building emotional intelligence.  Managers are learning the importance of providing feedback (not personal criticism) in administering corrective counseling, building allegiance and support and performance appraisal.  Proper corrective counseling includes being specific as to the problem and why it negatively impacts you as the supervisor; focus on the issue and not the person and ask for ways for the employee to solve the problem offering suggestions if they cannot.  Make the discussion private and personal with an agreed up follow up action step.  And use empathy in your communication to ensure better acceptance to the feedback. 

Key problem solving workgroups involved in problem resolution must also employ emotional intelligence.  Informal work groups that get together to assist with business concerns also utilize key emotional intelligence principles.  There is no correlation between being a subject matter expert and someone who the organization is willing to share their secrets, doubts and vulnerabilities.  The stars of the organization are those who have deep connections on all networks whether this be communication, expertise or trust.   Other emotional intelligence strategies include team building, consensus driven problem resolution, seeing problems from other's perspectives.  Another key strategy is being proactive and taking initiative to make change even when not in one's job description.

In another leadership book entitled the Leadership Challenge by James M Kouzes and Barry Z Posner, they provide 6 steps to leadership (notice how many of these involve emotional intelligence)

1.  Challenging the Process - search for opportunities to change the status quo; experiment, take risks and learn from your mistakes. 

2.  Inspiring a Shared Vision - envision the future and enlist/engage people to a common purpose

3.  Enabling other to Act - foster collaboration

4.  Modeling the Way - leading the way and plan small wins/sharing power and information

5.  Encouraging the Heart - recognizing contributions and celebrating success

6.  Becoming the Leader who Cares and makes a Difference

Finding your spiritual wellness, moral compass

Spiritual Wellness is More Than Just .... 

By

Rachael Grant Dixon |  March 27, 2011

Spiritual wellness is considered one of the six pillars of wellness and is defined as a personal process in which individuals seek to develop their moral philosophies and find purpose in their lives. I think the natural tendency is to define your spiritual wellness based on the strength of your religious beliefs or lack of religious beliefs.  However, is religion the only way to achieve spiritual balance? Of course, various religions offer many people strength, comfort, and a sense of purpose, and if that is your path to spiritual wellness, then enjoy the peace that brings.

For those who do not seek out a formal religion, you also can achieve a sense of spiritual wellness through art, nature, meditation, love of family and friends, and other forms of serenity.

According to the National Wellness Institute:  "It is better to ponder the meaning of life for ourselves and to be tolerant of the beliefs of others than to close our minds and become intolerant. It is better to live each day in a way that is consistent with our values and beliefs than to do otherwise and feel untrue to ourselves."

Whether you have found your moral compass and peace through religion or other means, my challenge to you is to ponder your current level of spiritual wellness. It seems that when we have a strong sense of who we are, the direction we are going, and a firm belief system, we can achieve a feeling of calmness and peace.

My comments:  I agree it's better to be tolerant than intolerant of other's beliefs.  It's best to live lives consistent with our values and beliefs.  However, I wonder how one can find a sense of spiritual wellness just in art, serenity or nature?  Aren't we supposed to be our brother's keeper and help the unfortunate or abused?  Aren't we supposed to lift each other's burdens?  It seems like the nature lover can be pretty selfish in his/her worship.  This nature-loving philosophy would also suggest our first parents could have been spiritually-wellness content living a blissful life in the Garden of Eden not growing by their experiences.  I believe religious balance is not confined to church attendance but by the very tenets and belief injunctions the church offers.  Tolerance to sin, to abuse or corruption is just moral selfishness and laziness.  I suggest spiritual wellness is having the proper emphathy toward others so that we can lift their spirits and give them hope in their challenges.

As I contemplate the civil wars within the world and America's involvement, I keep wondering not only what is the end game but also the moral compass of these world leaders.  Is it right to enter wars for regime change when the new leaders are no better?  Is it right to enter war when we are only trying to secure our own economic welfare?  It was so much easier when we were fighting communism or evil dictators.   I see the end game to regime change is to put into power those who will allow freedoms of religion and opportunities for education and growth of its people.  The tolerant, art or music lover described above would never enter war regardless of the reason.  If only all about us appreciated the arts, literature, music, education/learning and the finer things of life, we could all be more tolerant.

Being in Flow or In the Zone

One of the states of emotional intelligence when performance is maximized was studied by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a Psychologist from the University of Chicago, who studied accounts of peak performance for over 20 years.  Athletes know this state of grace as "the zone" where excellence becomes effortless, crowds and competitors cease to exist into a blissful, steady absorption of the moment.  Being able to enter flow is emotional intelligence at its best.  In flow emotions are not just contained and channeled, but positively energized and aligned with the task at hand. 

Generally everyone has some experience with flow from time to time, particularly when performing at their peak or stretching beyond their former limits.  It provides a feeling of spontaneous joy, even rapture.  In this state people become utterly absorbed in what they are doing, paying undivided attention to the task.  If we reflect on what we're doing, flow is interrupted.  Flow is a state of self-forgetfulness, the opposite of rumination and worry.  The sheer pleasure of the act itself is what motivates them. 

There are several ways to enter flow.  One is to intentionally focus a sharp attention on the task; a highly concentrated state is the essence of flow.  Once focus starts to lock in, it takes on a force of its own, both offering relief from emotional turbulence and making the task effortless. 

Entry to this zone can occur when people find a task they are skilled at and engage in it at a level that slightly taxes their ability.  If the task is too easy they get bored, if too difficult they get anxious.  Flow occurs in that delicate zone between boredom and anxiety.  It can be argued that mastery of a skill is spurred on by the experience of flow - that the motivation to get better at something, be it a musical instrument, dance or intricate task, is at least in part to stay in flow while doing it.  Artists who savored as students the sheer joy of art became serious painters while those focused on fame or wealth did not.  Creative achievements depend on single-minded immersion. 

In the educational model, those into flow instruction strive to find out what passions exist in the students and build upon these, shoring up those where the student is deficient.  Pursuing flow through learning is a more humane and natural way of teaching because it can marshal emotions to the educational pursuit or productive end.  Whether it be in controling impulse or putting off gratification, regulating our moods so they facilitate thinking, finding ways to face setbacks and challenges, finding ways to enter flow and perform more effectively all bespeak the power of emotion to guide effective effort.

As I indicated, all of us to some degree have experienced flow sometime in our careers or life.  When I was playing basketball in high school, I would practice 3 to 4 hours daily, shooting baskets at every angle.  I got to the point that I didn't even have to concentrate on the distance or angle.  I was in flow and at times during the game, that same feeling of flow was manifest.  One game in particular, I was running a slight fever and everything I shot seemed to go in.  I don't know if the fever made it even easier to tune out the crowd, the noise or the surrounding distractions but it was obvious to me after a state of flow.

Sometimes, at work I have also experienced that feeling of flow.  Once when engaged in a Baldrige audit of the HR department of Sprint, everything I looked at, analyzed and evaluated seemed like I had done it before and I could easily see opportunities for improvement when comparing to the Baldrige criteria.  I didn't need to do much questionning to find examples of excellence and those requiring improvement.  Another time I felt like I was in flow was when I managed the Affiliate markets, establishing guidelines and best practices for the 15 affiliate partners even in areas of administration that were beyond my scope of work such as risk management, public/private partnering, developing a network preventive maintenance program and aligning marketing, engineering, and other administrative departments to the Affiliate's strategic plan, etc.  The fourth time I felt flow was when I had to project plan the site development/contruction prerequisites of our last and most problematic 50 tower applications with less than 2 months to launch date.  We picked a tiger team, double processed sites and looked for the fastest approach to proceed.  Due to my diligence and success, I was promoted to a Site Development Manager.  Each of these events were things that inspired my passion for excellence and seemed like they energized me in the process.

I can relate to these events as my personal best stories, times when I was in flow or in the zone.  As I indicated earlier, being in flow is the most positive aspect of emotional intelligence.  We should strive to have more of thes in flow experiences in life to make life more enriching and to remove or reduce stress.  What experiences have you had where you were in flow whether in sports, art, music, work or hobbies?

Don't get caught again just putting your trust in the job

"Once burned, twice shy?  You can learn to trust on the job again" was an editorial headline I found interesting in the SL Trib.  The premise of the article is that as the economy improves and businesses start hiring, some transitioning employees are stuck in neutral because they have not moved on.  The article provides three ways of moving on and rebuilding trust:  Accept what has Happened.  Ask Questions and Be Understanding.  While we cannot control losing a job, we can choose our pathway of healing and renewal.  If we don't move on, we get stuck in the victim role.  It also suggests things we learn in the process about building relationships.

Do we need to rebuild our trust in the workplace in order to get on with our life?  I believe the premise that you must let go but I don't hold to the concept that just because things may be getting back on track in hiring that we automatically have to rebuild trust in the workplace.  I believe you put your trust in God, in your family and close friends and the newly acquired relationships you've acquired in your new job search.  You must maintain a cautious loyalty to your job while positioning yourself when signs of concern arise.  You never want to get burned a second time without being more prepared.

So I say you put your trust in your newly acquired skills and abilities to make better relationships, to acquire new skills and business intelligence.  To continue to brand yourself, tonetwork with others so that if the economy gets worse or your business or industry suffers or is acquired by another company, things beyond your control, you have a backup plan ready.  Be in more control of your future and trust those who truly care about you as a person and contributor.  Life has and will ever have challenges.  The optimistic and prepared person has a better plan on how to cope and succeed with life's vagaries.

Hope and the Power of Positive Thinking, Optimism

University of Kansas Psychologist, C.R. Snyder performed many studies of "hope" and its role in overcoming obstacles and predicting success on college grades and found hope to be a stronger predictor of success than scores on the SAT or IQ.  Given roughly the same range of intellectual abilities, emotional aptitudes make up the difference.  Snyder's expanation:  Students with high hope set themselves higher goals and worked hard to achieve them. 

Hope does more than offer a bit of solace amid affliction or adversity.  It plays a potent role in life.  Snyder indicates it has the potential of allowing you to accomplish your goals regardless of what they may be, giving you both the will and the creative ways to get there.  It's more than just getting out of a jam. Snyder finds hope-filled people share certain traits such that they are able to motivate themselves, feeling resourceful enough to find the ways to accomplish their objectives.  Hope-filled people can reassure themselves when in a tight spot that things will get better, being flexible enough to find different ways to get to their goals or to switch goals if one becomes impossible.  They also have the sense to break down a formidable task into smaller, manageable pieces. 

From the perspective of emotional intelligence, having hope means that one will not give in to overwhelming anxiety, a defeatist attitude, or depression in the face of difficult challenges or setbacks.  People with hope are optimistic about their future.  Optimism, like hope, means having a strong expectation that in general things will turn out all right in life, despite setbacks and frustrations.  The optimist gains greater hope as he/she accomplishes small goals and realizes the positive results can be achieved through perseverance and creativity. 

A book I highly recommend to young parents is by Dr. Victor Cline entitled How to Make Your Child a Winner.  Two of those winner ground rules are (1) teach your children all kinds of skills and competencies in work, recreation, music and sports.  Give them adventures and make "doing" fun.  Model it yourself.  Help them experience success.  Stimulate their minds in many ways.  (2) Cultivate in your children the capacity to endure stress, to show grace under pressure, to have flexible, resilient psyches.  Give them responsibilities and expect them to do well in their home chores and schoolwork.  Train them in decision making and by letting them suffer reasonable penalties when they break rules.

Albert Bandura, a Stanford psychologist reknown for his research on self-efficacy stated:  "People's beliefs about their abilities have a profound effect on those abilities.  Ability is not a fixed property; there is a huge variabliity in how you perform.   People who have a sense of self efficacy bounce back from failures; they approach things in terms of how to handel them rather than worrying about what can go wrong."

In summary, in our job search, we all must bring to the fore front our hope and optimism, traits we've nurtured throughout life.  However, these traits also rely on many other tools like constancy, compensation (law of the harvest), self control and complementation.  These were part of another deck of slides I presented.

Worries, Anxieties, Depression & Lessons learned

Just like the death of a loved one, the breakup of a marriage, and the serious illness of a family member, the loss of a job or business is extremely stressful to the individual and family.  Each person confronts these stressors in different ways but the sooner one can replace these depressing thoughts with productive activity the better.  For some people they ruminate over these thoughts incessantly, blaming themselves.  Instead of letting the worry help them create a problem resolution, they let the worries get them into a greater funk. 

Some efforts to temporarily distract the worry or thought may not alleviate the depression in the long run- such as eating our favorite food or dessert when we know we should be dieting.  Watching too much TV to take our minds off the worry may cause greater depression when many programs are not uplifting or helping us move on.  Temporary distractions typically have temporary results.

For those that need counseling or perscription drugs to help cope with these depressions, they should follow those steps to have more self awareness of the stressors, healthy skepticism and cognitive reframing of the situation.

Other suggestions include: aerobic exercise, providing volunteer services, praying, more church service, and asking for a special blessing.  Also one can go back to school or get some additional training.  Joining clubs and associations are also helpful to build relationships.  The act of branding yourself, going to a career workshop and resume class is helpful.  Getting more connected with your friends, potential hiring managers and company networking connections helps you to get over your depression.  Setting and achieving weekly goals and celebrating success is helpful.  Reading uplifting books and sharing success stories with others is helpful.  In today's economic climate, you have to keep reinventing yourself and looking for positive examples where you're getting closer to your goal.

If you have an interview and come in 2nd or 3rd, don't blame yourself or make excuses, just tell yourself you learned something valuable to help you in the next interview.  Have a positive image of success before each interview.  Reward yourself by recognizing how much you've grown in your job search skills. Remember all the good things you have going for you:  You are a child of God, you have the potential for greatness.  You with God's help and a little faith and effort can move mountains even if those are the job search obstacles facing you.  

And when you find that job, remember all the wonderful lessons you learned along the way: the business intelligence acquired, the faith, patience and perseverence employed and all the wonderful networking contacts made.  You should always be in a state of career search so don't forget those lessons learned.  See how much stronger and more caring you are now than you were several years ago when everything was easy and not stressful.

It's not enough to just focus on your branding

I have reread the book, Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, and realize that we may not be hitting on all cylinders unless we focus on the skills building and goal mapping side of job search.  While I have consistently indicated that we need to get our brand message at 100%, just doing this without applying some critical emotional intelligence skills about building effective relationships may make us even more depressed when the calls don't come. 

In my networking meetings in Sandy, we go over the 8 steps of the Job Search Creed for Professionals.  While these are critical steps, I'd like to suggest 3 of my own:

1.  During the past week, what have you done to improve your brand or personal image with LinkedIn, with your tagline, me in 30 seconds, power statements, resume, with your cover letter, etc.?  On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the highest, what was your weekly score on branding?

2.  During the past week, what have you done to improve your personal relationships with information or networking interviews/meetings with hiring managers, with networking and/or volunteer activities where you met other people?  On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the highest, what was your weekly score on relationship building?

3.  Did you review at the end of the week, what goals you accomplished?  What 1 or 2 things have you postponed because they are difficult?  What did you do this past week that made you very happy with your goal setting/attainment efforts?  On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the highest, what was your weekly score on goal attainment?

I am not going to tell anyone what is a 10 on any of the three factors (like the 10/2/2).  Our goal is to move toward that higher number based on our own capabilities and incremental steps of skill development.

Going back to step #1, I have presented several LinkedIn traning programs and still find many who just don't feel branding is important.  I've downloaded almost 70 networking posts on my blog and find many have not availed themselves of the time to read and assimilate information we're sharing.  My posts oftentimes are lifted from others in job search or experts providing helps to get employed.  I'm managing the Salt Lake Metro Transitioning Professionals group to allow you an opportunity to network and help others.
I've even volunteered to help professionals who need one on one coaching at the two employment centers in the evenings.  If you score in the high 9s and 10s on the 3 categories, you don't need any coaching.  Others may be needing some coaching even after attending training or reading the blogs.  So if you come in for assistance, I'll ask you your weekly score on the above 3 categories to assess where to focus our efforts.  I'll be your job coach or mentor not just someone who you check in with weekly.

The whole premise of emotional intelligence is that while many personality and intelligence traits are genetic, many can be shaped within childhood and during our teens.  Others we can continue to hone and improve throughout life.  One example that has both an interesting finding but also a huge caveat is the marshmallow study in the early 1960s at the Stanford campus.  Preschool/4 year olds were in an experiment to look at self control.  They were presented with a marshmallow and told that when the instructor returned after some errands, that if they ate the marshmallow, they wouldn't get a second one.  However, if they didn't eat it then but waited upon the instructor to return, they would get a second marshmallow. 

Those that resisted temptation at four to eat the marshmallow as adolescents were more socially competent, personally effective, self assertive and able to handle frustrations later in life.  The 33% that grabbed the marshmallow quickly and ate were more shy to social contacts, stubborn and indecisive.  They were more prone to other negative emotional characteristics as jealousy and envy, and being resentful, and argumentative.    The conclusion was that even early in life, the capacity to impose a delay on impulse may be at the root of many of our social problems.  The second factor they found that impacts success in social situations is the ability to read a social situation whereby understanding the benefits of delay outweighed the immediate benefits of eating the marshmallow. 

Delaying immediate gratification is a powerful predictor not only on IQ tests but more importantly on success in life.  These emotional intelligence scores are more important in life's success than mere IQ.  Both impulse control and reading a social situation can be learned;  so for those failing the test at 4 don't give up.  "Goal directed, self imposed delay of gratification and the ability to deny impuses in the service of a goal underscores the role of emotional intelligence and detrmines how well or poorly we can use other mental capabilities.  For those who have been taught and given opportunities throughout your youth to practice impulse control, be grateful to your parents and leaders for their valuable lessons.  There are many more intelligent individuals who were never taught these valuable skills.

So looking at the 3 above examples of success metrics, they are all important and one cannot be done in isolation of the others for you to be successful.  I will include other posts on some of the other emotional intelligence finding and next steps.

Emotional Intelligence

For the next week, I'm going to post blogs on emotional intelligence.  While the current blog is about finding the good in others and not getting hijacked in our goals, I will include other subjects, see list below:

Daniel Goleman writes an interesting book entitled Emotional Intelligence - Why it can matter more than IQ.  This subject is just as important to finding and keeping a job as one's technical skills and IQ.  Some of the posts I'll publish include:

1.  Impulse control (the marshmallow example)
2.  Conquering one's anxieties and worries & mood lifters to overcome depression
3.  The Power of Positive Thinking
4.  Getting into the Flow
5.  The power of Empathy
6.  Managing with the heart/organizational savvy
7.  Overcoming timidity
8.  Building Relationships with our LinkedIn connection
9.  Coaching for Collaboration and Accountability in training, incentive and wellness programs
10. Other blogs on emotional intelligence and it's application to the job/career search may be interspersed with the above topics

Emotional Intelligence can be categorized into these 5 domains:

1.  Knowing one's emotions:  Self-awareness - recognizing a feeling as it happens is the keystone of emotional intelligence.  People who are certain about their feelings are better pilots of their lives.

2.  Managing emotions:  Handling feelings so they are appropriate is an ability that builds on self-awareness.

3.  Motivating oneself:  Marshalling emotions in the service of a goal is essential for paying attention, for self-motivation and mastery and for creativity.

4.  Recognizing emotions in others:  Empathy is the fundamental "people skill".  People who are empathetic are more attuned to the subtle social signals that indicate what others need.

5.  Handling relationships:  The art of relationship is a skill in managing emotions of others.  These skills undergird popularity, leadership and interpersonal effectiveness.

While I will relate some examples, I'll provide applications and exercises for you to exercise your emotional intelligence muscles.  I invite my readers to comment.

A blog I found on my EI group includes:

Find the Good in Others - A Leadership Lesson and Three Benefits

My mom passed away last year around Mother's Day. It has been a difficult year to say the  least. She was the matriarch and really the center of our family. My mom was a fighter and kind and generous beyond measure. I have saved so many kind notes that people wrote about her after her passing. I always knew my mom was very, very special, but the many stories and kind thoughts told me things about her that I never knew.
Unfortunately I have been to my share of funerals since then. And I have observed that people who pass on are really wonderful people. So I ask, why do we have to wait until people are gone to recognize how special they really are? The answer is we don't.
Everyone has good in them, we just have to look. And when we find it we ought to express it. There is a saying that you will get whatever you look for. If you want to see the bad in people, you will find it. If you want to find the positive, you will find that as well. What does this mean for leaders? Here are the benefits of finding the good in others:
1. People are attracted personally to others who see in them what others might not. I have always told my children that if you want to make lots of friends, find good things about others and express it.
2. People are attracted to others who find the good in general. Would you rather hang around positive or negative people? Your answer to that question might say a lot about what you usually find and search for in others.
3. In every person there is some variety of bud preparing to blossom. You can't develop what you don't search to find in others. It is to your advantage as a leader to find those buds, but it will require you to find the good first.

Another blog differentiating between goals and action:

Closing the Knowing Doing Gap

by Anne Dranitsaris on March 24, 2011

Collectively, we love to learn about how to improve and develop ourselves. We watch shows, read books, and take courses because we want to learn how to change our behavior. There has never been a time in society when we have had more information about what it takes to maintain a healthy body, have effective relationships and be an influential, effective leader. Yet as a society, we are more obese; divorce is more common than couples staying together, and our children have more learning and behavioral problems than ever before.  And we still complain about our leader’s incompetence.

So why is this? These are all examples of the knowing doing gap in action. It takes so much more that insight and knowledge to affect behavioral change. As a colleague of mine always says, “Knowing is the booby prize.” Taking in information is a passive activity.  Changing behavior is an experiential one. These two activities are governed by different areas of the brain and as much fun as an “aha” moment is, it doesn’t usually go anywhere else.

How often have you gotten excited by reading something or attending a training session only to continue along the same behavioral path that you were on before that great “aha” moment. We can vow to resolve to change our behavior but that doesn’t mean that we are going to do anything that makes us feel uncomfortable. Mark Twain once said “It is easy to quit smoking. I have done it many times.”
Changing behavior requires action and often behavioral change leading to new experiences. This is where the resistance in the brain occurs, because it often doesn’t feel good to act differently. In fact, it can cause feelings of anxiety, embarrassment and vulnerability, for example, which no one really wants to feel.  Setting goals is a fantastic exercise and people get really good at doing this. Not understanding that behavioral change is an emotionally driven activity that takes emotional self-management and feelings of discomfort to achieve it derails many of our good intentions.

Setting goals doesn’t mean that we have the emotional buy in from ourselves to actually achieve them. As soon as we feel discomfort, we can rationalize why the change we are seeking isn’t that important, or things are really okay the way they are. Emotional self-indulgence takes the place of the development of emotional self-management.

We need to be able to tolerate our emotions and use them to drive us toward our true goals, rather than hijacking us and leaving us in a chronic state of disillusionment with ourselves.  Of course we can always rationalize that we are really okay, even fabulous the way we are. But inside, we know better.

Will we see any immediate improvement in Joblessness?

With the election hype looming in less than 2 years, we will continue to see people squabling over the right numbers to track joblessness.  Rather then dwell on the negative numbers and get lost into feeling depressed or powerless to do something about it, I say we need to focus on the goal.  Getting yourself branded, networked and pumped about your potential, your enthusiasm and your talents.  Hiring managers can smell the blood of the walking wounded who are wont to make excuses and blame others, who aren't focused on the goal and who wait on the side lines for the good old days when employers were less picky.  We need to put light, hope and constancy of purpose into our transformational efforts.  Every person we help in reaching their goal or dream job will help us by being networked to them.  I'm reporting this because its news, negative at best, but also indicating it only means we must be more focused and strategic in our search.

Joblessness Far Higher Than 8.9% BLS Rate

– Tue Mar 22, 4:17 pm ET

Since November 2010, the unemployment rate has tumbled from 9.8% to 8.9% in February. That seems to signal a return to healthy job growth. But is it real?
While unemployment has fallen nearly a full percentage point, just 407,000 payroll jobs have been created — a mere 0.3% rise.
How can that be? Maybe it's because the real jobless rate — which includes those unemployed Americans so discouraged they've stopped looking — is higher than 8.9%. Much higher.
"Though the official unemployment rate is improving, according to our poll, we still have at least 20% of able Americans looking for full-time employment," said Raghavan Mayur, president of TechnoMetrica Market Intelligence, IBD's polling partner. "Jobs will be the No. 1 issue in the next presidential election."
Americans assume the Bureau of Labor Statistics' unemployment rate is an indicator of the job market's health. But as with other government data, it's notable as much for what it doesn't reveal as for what it does.
At one time, the jobless rate included all people without jobs.
But during the first Clinton administration, the BLS changed its definition to exclude long-term discouraged workers. As a result, the unemployment rate has looked far lower than it really is.
The labor-force participation rate, now 62.2%, is at a 27-year low. If you're not in the work force, you can't be "unemployed."
Several private-sector measures also paint a bleak picture of what the Washington Post recently referred to as America's "hidden work force."
• Gallup's "broader unemployment" measure combines the unemployed with part-time workers seeking full-time work. It rose to an alarming 19.9% in March, from 17.2% in December.
• The IBD/TIPP poll also suggests far-higher joblessness. Since May 2010, it's asked people about their own situation, but also "how many members of your household are currently unemployed or looking for employment?"
In March, 19.4% were looking for a job — equal to 30 million Americans. That's actually an improvement from November, when 35.2 million sought work.
• Economist John Williams at his Shadow Government Statistics website says that using old U.S. government data definitions — including both long- and short-term discouraged workers, plus the regular unemployed — 22% of Americans don't have meaningful work.
A big reason may be the dearth of startups. New firms account for just 3% of employment but make up 20% of new jobs, according to a new study by John Haltiwanger, Ron Jarmin and Javier Miranda for the National Bureau of Economics Research.
"The fastest-growing continuing firms are young firms under the age of five," they wrote.
Today, startups are struggling with the uncertainty caused by the $862 billion stimulus, TARP, the Federal Reserve's quantitative easing policy and ObamaCare's looming costly regulations.
Job openings are off 37% from when the recession began in December 2007, according to BLS' JOLTS survey. Gross private hiring — before layoffs and other job exits — is down by 1.15 million.
At the current hiring pace, jobs won't hit their old peak until December 2016.

Questions to ask your Interviewer

These are six good interview questions, but I have my own I'd like to add:

Instead of asking about the previous person in the job, you can ask something like:  What is expected of this new hire during the first 90 days on the job?  This is time to pull out your 90-day project plan and provide what you can do.

Instead of question 2.  I'd ask something like:  Reviewing your profile on LinkedIn, your previous work history and the business intelligence I gleaned from both your website and a Google search, besides _________________, what 2-3 things during the next year will keep you up at night that I might be able help you excel?

Generally you'll be interviewing with your hiring manager so asking him about himself might be awkward.  A better question is to ask him about any team members or business partners you'd have to collaborate with.  Here is how I would phrase it,  "I have a strong commitment to customer service and collaborative team building, can you tell me a little about our team members and business partners - what are there needs and how can I contribute to the success of the organization?

I  feel a question better than P&L projections is,  "Tell me how aligned the organization is and how engaged are the employees in the Company's short and long range strategic plans."  How does the organization reward and recognize exceptional service?

Six Must-Ask Interview Questions

By Joe Turner

Interviewing can be a gut-wrenching process. Most books on how to interview list hundreds of questions you need to be ready to answer, but few talk about the questions you need to ask.    

Take more control at your next interview by asking some pointed questions of your own. Here are six must-ask questions and why you should know the answers.

1. What happened to the person who previously did this job? (If a new position: How has this job been performed in the past?)

Why You Need to Ask: You need to know any problems or past history associated with this position. For instance, was your predecessor fired or promoted? Is this a temporary position or brand new? The answer will tell you about management's expectations and how the company is gearing to grow.

2. Why did you choose to work here? What keeps you here?

Why You Need to Ask: Although you may like this company, you're an outsider. You need to find out what an insider has to say about working there. Who better to ask than your interviewer? This also forces the interviewer to step out of their official corporate role and answer personally as an employee and potential coworker.

3. What is the first problem the person you hire must attend to?

Why You Need to Ask: You need to be on the same page as your new manager, as well as be clear on what the initial expectations are and that you can deliver. What you don't want is to allow yourself to be misled about the job’s requirements and end up overwhelmed and over your head after the first week on the job.

4. What can you tell me about the individual to whom I would report?

Why You Need to Ask: It doesn't matter how wonderful the company might be; your time will be spent working for a specific manager. You need to find out who this person is and what kind of manager he is -- earlier rather than later, before personality clashes develop. If you're an independent type used to working through solutions on your own, for instance, you'll chafe when you find you're being supervised by a micromanager.

5. What are the company's five-year sales and profit projections?

Why You Need to Ask: You need to know about the future of the company you plan to spend several years of your life working for. It doesn't have to be this exact question. For example, you might want to ask about the company's future plans for new products and services or any planned market expansion. Of course, you've done your own research, but nothing can beat an insider’s observations and insights. This also shows you've done your homework and are serious about this company.

6. What's our next step?

Why You Need to Ask: This is your closing and the most important question to ask at the end of the interview. You need to know what happens after this point. Many books advise asking for the job now, but most people may feel too intimidated to bluntly do so. And with more candidates already scheduled for interviews, the company is not likely to make you an offer yet. You may also need to do some additional research on the company, making it too early to ask for the job.

A good compromise: Take the lead and set a plan for follow-up. You'll also be able to gauge the company's enthusiasm with the answer. Don't forget to ask for your interviewer’s direct phone number and the best time to call.

What to Remember

As a job seeker, the key to a good interview is to find out as much about your potential employer as possible. Asking these six questions will not only make you appear more committed as a candidate, but will also give you better insight into both the challenges and opportunities that may lie ahead for you.