About 1 in 5 children are born (hardwired) to overly sensitive amygdala brain functioning which contributes to shyness or timidity. These symptoms of shyness around strangers and animals, uncertainty about new stimuli, finicky about food and general anxiety can be observed at a very early age. My grandson screamed when not next to his mother for months, an early symptom of shyness. Now when you see him 4 years later, you wouldn't recognize him as someone timid or stranger adverse at early childhood. About 40 percent of children are bold, less sensitive in their amygdala wiring. The scale between timid and bold and upbeat and melancholy are seen from impulses in two different parts of the brain. Jerome Kagan, Harvard psychologist studied the timid/bold brain patterns and how these early symptoms (overly sensitized amygdala brain arousal) can be desensitized with exercise and nurturing. Left alone only about 20% - 33% will grow out of this predisposition to be shy or anxious.
The other brain-related wiring is the melancholy and upbeat spectrum which is regulated by impulses at the brain's right and left frontal lobes. This was observed by psychologist, Richard Davidson from the University of Wisconsin. The ability to be depressed or to bounce back quickly after a stressing situation is tied to one's brain functioning.
Kagan's research suggests the plasticity or wax/like molding of this brain wiring is changeable during early youth, via boldness or other social experiences, by the following examples:
The unsuccessful mother/nurturer felt that she should protect the timid toddler from whatever was upsetting him/her. The more successful mother felt it more important to help the timid child cope with these upsetting stimuli. The protective mother deprives youngsters of learning to adapt to these challenge to overcome their fears.
Another less productive step in hardening this oversensitive amygdala was to be more lenient and indirect in setting limits for toddler doing something that might be harmful. The better approach was setting firm limits, giving direct commands and blocking the child's actions, insisting on obedience. Why should firmness reduce fearfullness? Kagan speculates that there is an important lesson learned when the baby crawls toward an intriguing object (albeit a dangerous one) interrupted by a warning, "get away from that!" The infant is forced to deal with mild uncertainty. These repetitious acts of firmness during the first year gives the infant continual rehearsals, in small doses of meeting the unexpected situation in life. This is the encounter that the shy/fearful infant must master. Likewise, putting some distance between the upsetting event and picking up and consoling the child helps them gradually learn to manage such moments on their own. So to break the tearfulness and shyness, give small opportunities to be told "No" to dangerous stimuli and do not be too quick to comfort when upset. The overly protecting/caring mother trying to protect the child from frustration and anxiety might exacerbate the child's ability to overcome shyness or timidity.
As the child matures, giving them opportunities to be more outgoing can change this timidity hardwiring. Giving them higher levels of social competence, being cooperative and getting along with other children, teaching empathy, teaching giving and sharing skills, and being able to develop close relationships are all important. Those still timid at 4 can shake off this timidity by teen age years by proper coaching and social skill building. As behavioral geneticists observe, genes alone don't determine behavior, our environment and experiences shape our temperament. Our emotional capacities are not a given. With the right kinds of experiences and learning, our capacities can improve and help our human brain mature.
In summary, childhood and teenage learning will help mold the brain circuitry. The child/youth has to learn via correct guidance how to handle distress and control impulse and to practice empathy and reading social cues. On the flip side, neglect, abuse, misattunement of a self-absorbed parent or indifferent parent or brutal discipline can leave their imprint on the emotional circuitry.
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